2 years tomorrow 

On May 2nd my heart shattered into a million pieces and my world stopped.You was not only my brother but my best friend a father figure and the best uncle to archie. 

Im gonna miss the way you wound me up when I was hungover, and get me in trouble with mum for strolling in at 3am and sleeping on the kitchen floor. The way you always made fun of me for being so thick sometimes, I will never to this day know the answer to your question if your travelling 80mph for 80 miles how long will it take you, must have something to do with you hitting me on the head with a hammer while I tried to innocently make a den in the garden … Im gonna miss your smile, you eating all my food and leaving the empty rubbish in the fridge, I hope I can make you proud as I guide archie through life and I will make sure he knows what a beautiful caring loving person you was .. This is not goodbye as one day our family will be complete again … You will stay in my heart always and forever .. Love you millions x

This was read two years ago, nothing has changed and I still find every day hard.

In the last few years I have learnt so much and had to deal with things I never knew existed. People will say I’m strong but I just think you have to be to get through each day I wouldn’t say I was I’ve just learnt how to deal with things. 

I wish you was here to see what a monkey Archie has grown into and I know he would have loved you so much.

People change things change, my eyes have just opened up a lot more, sharing my journey with people helps me and I hope helps every one else.

Any one going through grief I feel you, my hardest thing though is losing someone and not knowing or ever going to know why they went. 

I miss you josh and will do forever, there is not a day that goes by that your not in my thoughts, It was the hardest thing to lose you.

One thing I have got is the special memories you gave me, mum, Harvey and josh and I’ll hold of to them forever.

Forever and always 

Xx

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