Mental health awareness week 🦋

Every one will always see mental health in different ways and have different views. However if you have experienced it, lost some one from it or even know some one who suffers from it you will know how hard it is so have this illness.

We may not be able to see it and it’s not always as easy to just shake it off and feel okay again, I think if it was that easy every one would do that, people don’t chose to not feel okay. I guess because we can’t see it people just shrug it off .. which makes people feel alone and not able to talk.

There is so much help out there and support it’s just having the confidence to seek it, I know it can feel over whelming or scary but take one step at a time.

It’s okay to not be okay, and there’s so many of us who want to help and listen.

I lost my brother and there is so many ifs and buts and what ifs, I wish I could have helped him when he needed it the most.

Don’t suffer in silence because like my brother there was so many people who would have helped him if only he spoke out.

Have a good weekend and remember keep smiling even if it is hard ⭐️

N x

Take a little time 🦋

Sorry I haven’t been on in a few days I’ve been busy getting the last few bits of uni sorted.

A quote that got me today … 

invest in those who invest in you –

Sometimes you spend far to much time giving and you don’t get much back … 

Think about yourself and make yourself happy achieve your goals and achieve your dreams. The harder you work and stay focussed you will one day reach your goal, stay open minded.

I hope every one is having a good week and remember don’t ever feel alone speak to some one as it’s better out than in 🦋

My last ever assignment 

My last ever assignment is done ✅ 

It is such a relief to have finished my final year of university and I honestly can’t believe I have reached the end ..

For those of you who have been to university you will agree with me when I say I nearly gave up a million times, the stress and the strain of it was so hard at times. However it’s all done and I’m so glad I never gave up.

For those of you who are struggling stay with it you will get there in the end and it will be 100 percent worth it 
Good luck 

X

Let’s talk about it 

May is mental health awareness month…

You know it’s okay to not be okay, don’t feel like your on your own there are so many people who will give an ear for you to talk and me being one of them people. 

I know it’s hard and sometimes you will feel anxious or struggle to get out of bed and those who have never felt like this find it hard to understand. It’s a illness and a very horrible one to say the least but if we spoke about it more people would not feel alone, if people shared there experiences others may find it easier to talk.

So I’ll share mine, sometimes I have good days and sometimes I have bad days after losing my brother it got harder I have such a loving boyfriend and the most amazing son and my mum is my best friend and I have great support from my brother and Nan, auntie and my close friends. I have a roof over my head and should be lucky for the things I’ve had in life. But you see it’s not always easy to remember all these things I’m lucky for because some times anixety takes over and I can’t get out the house or I don’t want to see any one. 

I struggle to talk about things some times and I find it easier to write it all down like I am today. I get my up days and I most certainly get my down days but come on who doesn’t, it’s just having the strength to talk about your problems or that your nervous going into a busy place but you can’t even explain why your so nervous. 

It is okay to not be okay, people won’t judge you. And your friends and family will be there to help, it just helps more if you can learn to talk about things openly but one step at a time.

Let’s stick together and break down this stigma 🌈💙🌎

The end of today 

So today is nearly over, it’s been such a difficult day. I loved receiving this card in the post something so small but literally means so much.

It’s always hard when your best friend lives miles away but even though they do see friendship is one of my favourites.

I love writing these blog posts it helps me in so many ways, some people go to the gym some people will go running, watch films or have a hobby to help them focus but this helps me express how I feel and get it all out and it’s nice to be able to share a difficult journey with different people. 

The thing I love about this blog is you can see who has viewed it, and my last post has reached people all around the world 🌎 

Thank you to those who are following my journey …

Goodnight 

X

2 years tomorrow 

On May 2nd my heart shattered into a million pieces and my world stopped.You was not only my brother but my best friend a father figure and the best uncle to archie. 

Im gonna miss the way you wound me up when I was hungover, and get me in trouble with mum for strolling in at 3am and sleeping on the kitchen floor. The way you always made fun of me for being so thick sometimes, I will never to this day know the answer to your question if your travelling 80mph for 80 miles how long will it take you, must have something to do with you hitting me on the head with a hammer while I tried to innocently make a den in the garden … Im gonna miss your smile, you eating all my food and leaving the empty rubbish in the fridge, I hope I can make you proud as I guide archie through life and I will make sure he knows what a beautiful caring loving person you was .. This is not goodbye as one day our family will be complete again … You will stay in my heart always and forever .. Love you millions x

This was read two years ago, nothing has changed and I still find every day hard.

In the last few years I have learnt so much and had to deal with things I never knew existed. People will say I’m strong but I just think you have to be to get through each day I wouldn’t say I was I’ve just learnt how to deal with things. 

I wish you was here to see what a monkey Archie has grown into and I know he would have loved you so much.

People change things change, my eyes have just opened up a lot more, sharing my journey with people helps me and I hope helps every one else.

Any one going through grief I feel you, my hardest thing though is losing someone and not knowing or ever going to know why they went. 

I miss you josh and will do forever, there is not a day that goes by that your not in my thoughts, It was the hardest thing to lose you.

One thing I have got is the special memories you gave me, mum, Harvey and josh and I’ll hold of to them forever.

Forever and always 

Xx

Bank holiday weekend 🦋

To the weekend I’ve been dreading, 

 So thank god it’s Friday, a long weekend off .. 

For me their not my thoughts, two years ago my life changed forever. Where has the time gone, makes you realise how precious life is. 

As most of you are aware on the 2nd of may I lost my brother to mental health and as each day goes by it’s just got harder, I’ve just learnt how to deal with his parting. 

However this weekend for me and my family will be a reminder of what happened two years ago the day our hearts broke. 

This weekend I want to remember him for all his funny moments and the precious times we shared. I always say now, ‘take so many photos that your albums are full’ because you just don’t know when the last time is with a special someone. So we have the memories to hold on to and thank god I am camera happy lol 😂.

I have the most funny memories with my brother, and my most favourite memories were made with him

Memories will last a life time, so even though it’s such a sad time try and focus on the good.

And forever ever I will say this never feel alone, always talk about how you feel I know it can be hard but people want to help no one wants any one to suffer in silence.

Enjoy the bank holiday weekend 💋

Just a little thank you 

So it is only recently I have started this blog, to help myself and others.

I just want to say thank you really for all your kind messages and I’m glad it has helped you following my journey.

It’s nice to know your not alone, as going through grief or any illness can feel so isolating but having support around you even if it is some one just asking if your okay means the world.

It makes me feel so happy that this blog is helping others in different ways and i hope you will continue to follow my journey.
So thank you and remember your never alone

N x

Coming to an end 🦋

So uni is approaching the end with one more assignment to finish and all I can think about is next week. 

Grief is such a horrible feeling it never goes away and although you try and push it to the back of your mind it hits you like a ton of bricks.

All I keep thinking is where have these two years gone, is life really going that fast.

So much has changed, people I was super close to seem like strangers and those who I’ve known for two minutes have been such amazing friends .. or is it just me is this horrible thing called grief just taking over my emotions and making me be and feel something I don’t want to.

All I know is those who have dealt with grief are strong beautiful people, because I must say it is one of the worst feelings in the world knowing that you won’t ever be able to say hello to that person again or just give them a hug. 

For every one going through this motion or only just starting to, I won’t say it gets easier I just think you learn how to deal with it but what I do know is your super strong 💪 

N x

The day some people dread – Monday 🙈

Treat today like any other day, turn them negative thoughts into positive. 

I’m trying to keep positive, it’s a week tomorrow that I lost my brother and these two years have gone so quickly, it only feels like yesterday it happened. 

I’ve got so much to do finishing off my last assignment and working. Sometimes all of this can stress me out with knowing what day is approaching but I try stay positive and know that soon I will graduate and uni life would all be worth it in the end.

Grief is such a weird feeling, as those who have experienced it can understand when I say you go through so many emotions. Even two years later I’m still coming to terms with what happened, and as the days go past I still find it so difficult, but for me I try and reach different milestones so I can focus my thoughts on that. 

I would hate any one to go through what I have and lose some one so close to them to mental health as it is such a horrible feeling to go through not knowing why they done what they done. Us as a community can knock down this stigma so that individuals know there not alone and can talk about it, I for one will listen and would love to hear your story’s.

Have a great Monday and remember stay positive and if your feeling low talk to someone 🦋